Drink up if you hear or see the following:
Use of the phrase ‘2003 World Cup Winner’ (or variants thereof)
Jonny Wilkinson
Matt Dawson
Any member of the Royal Family
Shane Williams and ‘magic’ are mentioned in the same sentence
The word ‘passion’ is used when actually they’re trying to say ‘bitter hatred’
Slow motion replay of someone getting knocked out cold before they hit the floor
The commentary team is not split 50/50 between each participating nation
One of the teams is not represented by an ex-international in the studio
The pre-match build up focuses on a game that isn’t the one about to start
The half-time analysis focuses on a game that isn’t the one currently going on
Someone quotes Jonah Lomu Rugby
Any commentator avoids explaining a complicated rule change by just saying it’s part of the new ELVs
Any commentator points out the referee asking ‘Is there any reason why I can’t allow the try?’ implies he thinks it’s probably a try
Any commentator states a try has been scored after the first replay
Same commentator then changes their mind when shown a different angle
The fancy replays and effects fail to work for the analyst
Drink up if specific people say or do the following:
Eddie Butler…
…tries out some poetry
…disagrees with Brian Moore
Brian Moore…
…insults someone
…gets angry at what appears to be a large pile of bodies on the floor
…gets sarcastic about the ELVs
…dismisses a brawl as a bit of handbags (or variations thereon)
Jonathan Davies…
…says ‘NUMBERS!’
…says ‘They’ve got to go wide’
…says anything about putting it through the hands
…says ‘Try Time’
…says ‘Bang’
John Inverdale…
…crowbars England into analysis of a match England aren’t involved in
…makes you want to punch him in the face
Jeremy Guscott…
…makes you want to punch him in the face
…patronises anyone that isn’t English
…compliments anyone that isn’t English
Austin Healy…
…gets in a sly jab about colleagues or the opposition
